oh hello lovelies! fancy seeing you here. hope life is delightful!
so, due to frequent request, today i’m going to be tackling the subject that is my freshman year of college & why i changed my major in my second semester. in all honesty, my freshman year carries a lot of pain, & i avoid this story like the plague. it feels like opening old wounds. however, i think getting it all out there would be good for my soul, & maybe one of you out there would get something out of my experience. & that would make me happy. this whole shebang is kind of a journey that’s difficult to sum up in a page of black & white, but i shall try my best. so here’s to hoping i don’t bore you or get too emotional on you!
once upon a time, a year ago, i entered university as a vocal music education major.
oh dear…that’s a boring place to begin, isn’t it? ok, let’s begin at the very beginning, a very good place to start. when i was a youngster, like 5-year-old two-pig-tails youngster, i wanted to be an artist. i specialized in fingerprinting, & drawing the world upside down. i did also want to become a fireman, teacher, writer, and chef though… big dreams, i tell ya. once i got to that lovely high school age, however, music became a big part of my life. to this day i know that my involvement in choral activities/drama was really a big part of what kept me & saved me in my very dark high school years. it was in my junior year of high school that i realized i wanted to pay it forward. although i wasn’t much of a performer & doubted my abilities as a soloist, i wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone to pursue a career as a high school chorus teacher.
fast forward to my freshman year of college. let’s not get too into detail, but i’ll leave you with an idea of how i felt… scared, alone, sick, defeated, and all dreams gone. my goal was just to somehow survive. let’s just say life had shown me its worst, its absolute worst, & for once i wasn’t quite able to recover. that first semester was torture. i loved all 10 of my classes & did really well in grade point average, but physically & psychologically i couldn’t keep up. on top of all i was attempting to overcome, i acquired a vocal injury that would put my musical career on hold. when looking for guidance on how to move forward, someone who was supposed to serve as a mentor sat me down at the end of the semester, looked me in the eye, and told me to quit. to give up. she told me i wasn’t cut out for music, and not only that, but i should give up on college as a whole. her advice was to drop out & admit defeat. cool, lady, cool. i’ll have you know i spent my winter break laying in bed. not eating, not sleeping, reeling from a broken (shattered? demolished?) heart, sick from my failure, overcome with confusion, & overwhelmed with this feeling that my life was being ripped away from me. that these people were taking away what little power i had, & i was weak. i couldn’t do it anymore.
i was a moment away from throwing in the towel, when one day my mom just poked her little head in my room & said, “well what if you just change your major?”
so i did.
spur of the moment, i decided to choose a major i really knew nothing about, art. i have always had an eye for art, but as a profession? what can you even do with that? doubt attacked from every angle. but i went for it. i wasn’t good at anything else, so why not? i really had nothing to lose at this point. so i barged into the unknown, & that has shown itself to be the best decision by far.
i guess if i could sum up the main “life lessons” i learned from my experience, they would be as follows.
1.) choosing a different path does not necessarily mean “giving up” on the old one.
i had to come to a point where i realized i was willing to suffer through another semester despite it’s affect on both my physical & mental health, just to prove that i wasn’t giving up on my dreams. so many people attacked me with the words “giving up” and “quitter” and i really held myself accountable, for no real reason, to finish out this path for the mere satisfaction of finishing it. but i learned that when you reach a dead end… it’s a dead end. it’s okay to take a new path. it’s okay to find new dreams that you don’t have to sacrifice your soul for. ya know, sometimes the universe is trying to show you that there are even better horizons ahead. no matter your choice, college // no college, music // art, whatever choice you’re facing in life, closing a door does not mean giving up. never let those words hold you back. you are in charge of your choices. you decide what is going to make you happy and help you along in your path of life.
2.) you don’t owe those turd-heads ANYTHING.
excuse my language. but hey, this one is the biggest life lesson i had to learn my freshman year. in regards to the major change, i felt like i owed it to everyone to keep suffering through music. i felt like i had to prove to all the people in my life that were pushing me into the ground that i could do it, despite their great help. & i was even afraid to change my major because i didn’t want to have to explain myself to those people, for fear of what they would say about my decision. well, news flash. you don’t have to explain your reasons to people. gives em the crazy impression that they’re entitled to an opinion about your life decisions. this is your life, take the reigns. surround yourself with people who support you, and seriously, shoo all those haters away. you don’t owe em nothin.
3.) last but not least, TAKE A CHANCE.
step into the unknown. be courageous. who knew i would discover such a passion? here i am, a studio art major with a hopeful concentration in new media and design. here i am, creating, growing, discovering, and dare i say thriving? this one little choice led up to a boldness in me that i didn’t know existed. i went on to make even more life choices that brought me to the point i am at today. a point where i can promise you life gets better if you fight for it, if you fight for you. your happiness matters.
you know, there is so much more i could say, so many ways i could expound, but i will end here for now. i hope you found something you can connect with in these little fragments of my story.
remember, you are beautiful. you are strong. no matter the jagged pieces of your past. use them. grow from them. create, grow, discover, & thrive. refuse to just survive. chose to live a life that you are proud of & that makes you happy.