oh hey guys. what’s up? wanna hear a story? cool. cause i wanna tell ya one.
once upon a time, i’ve always had long hair. long, long hair. and a loooot of it. long, thick, heavy, straight hair. when i was little it was probably closer to brown, then in my young teens it was more dirty blonde, and now we’re thinking it’s trying to be red//auburn? it changes color depending on the day i swear, plus the lighting can make it look all sorts of rainbow colors. oh the hair struggles. i’ve also realized i don’t think i’ve ever even shown my face on this blog yet??? what is this madness. probably my insecurity. hah. cries. aaaaanyway, here are pictures of my long hair in all its glory::
& a really awful looking picture of my hair at it’s longest and poofiest::
okay, so let’s talk about those long hairs. i was sort of raised to believe that long hair was the beauty of a woman (which registered in my noggin’ as the only beauty of a woman), so i always thought if i cut my hair i’d probably be cutting off my beauty and womanhood or something. how tragic. i thought long hair meant beauty, and short hair just meant “cute”. like 5 year old cute. like bye bye womanhood.
my hair was also pretty much my security blanket. i’ve never really had any self-esteem and struggle with detrimentally hating the way i look. so the long hair was nice, because it turned people’s attention away from my face and toward my long hair. i could hide behind it. even when people complimented me, i just assumed the “beauty” they were referring to was my long hair. it was the only thing i felt semi-confident about, and even then it was a distorted confidence.
come this summer, i’ve been working excruciatingly hard to accept myself. loving begins with acceptance, right? i tried to break down unrealistic expectations i held myself to. i tried to be nicer to myself. but i was still hiding behind that hair.
i also struggle with chronic migraines, & constantly overheating & getting heat exhaustion. during a trip this summer the hair was a real problem. i got heat exhaustion, tried putting my hair in a topknot to get it off my neck & immediately got a migraine from the weight. even my neck would hurt from all the weight. so this thought of “…what if i cut my hair?” creeped in.
i couldn’t grasp it really. i was afraid of looking 5. i was afraid of not having something to hide behind. i was afraid of letting go of the one thing i actually kind of maybe liked about myself. i’ve also always been super ashamed of my chubby cheeks. i’ve got these like obnoxiously prominent cheekbones that jut out like they own the place. and unfortunately it makes me look like a chipmunk. i was afraid the shorter hair would just make my face look so round and bring so much attention to my cheeks….gah.
BUT. i decided to do it. scheduled the appointment. then i chickened out and decided to just trim it. hah. then i saw an instagram post from a friend that said, “do you have a face? yay, you have a face for short hair!” and it got me thinking. then my dad said something that got me thinking. then i was at the salon, panicking, about to cry, ranting to my hairdresser about the struggles. she told me to shut up and trust her. and not cry. i followed her instructions…. and i’m actually pretty happy that i did ::
^pretty much what i did for a few hours after i cut it. (sorry padres…)
dude. i can’t believe this is me. it is truly crazy what a hair cut can do! i already feel super free. my neck is singing praises. my top knots are adorable and painless. my cheeks… are still there, but hey! no extra attention really. except for the attention i just drew to them… welp.
i am a happy camper. really, i’ve been a lot happier since this has been done. don’t even know why. but it’s even helped me to accept//love myself more than i ever could. i guess it’s forced me to look at my face. and be like, hey face. you are my face. we’re gonna be together for a while. so let’s be pleasant to one another, huh? i may not be the biggest fan of my cheeks or my smile, but i’m gonna try my best to be nice. but dude. i kinda like my hair.
do any of you have major hair cutting experiences that you would want to share? do you have tips for short hair care? ideas for up-dos? general thoughts? comment below! hearing from you is my favorite. i like it even more than i like my new hair. i super like you guys.
thanks for reading//dealing with my ramblings!
mere bear & her new hair.